Attention would-be paesans: Can’t distinguish “gabagool” from “pasta fazool”? Not sure how to correctly accessorize your monitor suit with yellow metal chains? Does the phrase “go to the mattresses” make you sleepy? Today Steven R. Schirripa, The Sopranos’ own Bobby Bacala, exposes the internal mysteries of this unique Italian-American cross within a Goomba’s Guide alive in order that anyone can walk, talk, and live like a man “from a nearby.”

Über-goomba Steve Schirripa displays how being a goomba made him in regards to a Goomba’s Guide to Life what he’s today, giving lessons learned by himself journey from Bensonhurst to Vegas, and to his current gig as Bobby Bacala on one of TV’s most well-known shows. Along the way, he stocks secrets that will help you speak to your own inner goomba. You’ll learn what music to take pleasure from (Sinatra, yes; Snoop Dogg, no), what movies to watch (Raging Bull, yes; Titanic, hardly ever), which sports activities to check out (baseball is good; golf and golf, fuhgeddaboudit), and even tips about goomba etiquette. Ever question how a actual goomba gets the very best seat in the house? (Hint: It requires tipping, jewelry, and intimidation.) Schirripa even includes goomba do’s and don’ts (never, ever criticize a goomba’s mother or her gravy; always wear more jewelry than you think you need).

With knockout photographs of Schirripa and his compares, and insider information on how to believe goomba, speak goomba, cook and eat goomba, as well as how exactly to behave at goomba weddings and funerals, A Goomba’s Guide alive will show any wiseguy wannabe how to sing just like a Soprano.