Bluetooth death rays, killer Roombas, and Teslas with a top secret button which will launch your car into outer space — the near future, according never to Elon Musk, is an exciting time for you to neuralink and obey!

A landmark volume compiled by among the great thoughts of our period, Not Elon Musk’s WELCOME TO THE NEAR FUTURE explores such profound questions as: How will mankind travel through tubes? When will Alexa and Siri become self-aware and convince us to fall in love with them and then break our hearts? Why is the Tesla plant built in a hollowed-out volcano on a private island? And where are the greatest concealed valleys on Mars to survive the coming Hair Transplant Wars? Part Stephen Hawking-like visionary, component Neil deGrasse Tyson-like wicked genius, component Steve Jobs-like cornered-at-a-party creep, Not Elon Musk clarifies in WELCOME TO THE FUTURE you will want to Elon Musk is so ready to fix Globe but also, probably, leave it.