From the author of the bestselling classics We’re LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, Only Prettier, and Bless Your Heart, Tramp, comes a collection of essays so funny, you’ll shoot co’cola out of your nose. Topics include such gems as:

• Why Miss North Carolina is too great to hate

• How Gwyneth Paltrow wants to improve your pathetic existence

• Strapped for cash? Try cat whispering

• Sex every evening for a calendar year? How will you wrap that?

• Get yer Wassail on: It’s carolin’ time

• Airlines providing up one sizzling mess

• Action figure Jesus

• Why Clay Aiken ain’t marrying your glandular daughter

• And much more!

You Can’t Drink ALL DAY LONG if You Don’t Start in the Mornin’ is sure to appeal to anyone who lives south of something.